Are you always the nice guy or girl 24/7 public persona, take heed to the psychological stress lurking below that friendly surface. What does it mean to be nice? I recently had a client in my private coaching session tell me that she was tired of being nice to people, as she does not get the respect she deserves. Does kindness have a gender? Men and women are taught to think and talk about ethical issues in a different voice. In decades by default, men are perceived to be more of the natural leaders or abstract thinkers, and women socialized for social or domestic life and more about immediate connections. I think you will agree with me that society tends to give men and women different 'default settings' when it comes to ethical reasoning. We all have our own personal mountains to climb, and overcoming these life ventures allows us to progress to new ambitions. It goes without saying that scaling new heights can be a challenge, especially when to be nice and when is the time to be kind.
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| -Honesty is essential when setting boundaries, and it is as well a driver of intimacy. Move out of the superficial talk and embrace the deeper conversation. Good manners aren't about cutlery and etiquette rules. They are about KINDNESS- |
There is a big difference between being nice and being kind; it is as apparent as night and day. Kindness in the real world, where the voice on various global issues is challenging the way people think, act and speak, is often seen as naive. In the world of etiquette, we invite and encourage people to put the physical, mental and emotional health of the individual at the heart of the organization. The results are transformational and long-lasting with noticeable improvements in productivity, creativity, resilience, engagement, and performance levels.
Nice guys finish last, and nice girls "never get the guy". I'm sure you've heard it all before, and possibly not from the kindest of people. This verse came to my mind when I was having a conversation with a friend who had lost the love of her life to another girl, according to her, she is not nice!
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| -Think before you speak. Be gracious. and be aware of where you are, and what's appropriate there. Be kind. KINDNESS is the epitome of GOOD MANNERS. It also promotes health and a sense of well-being- |
Nice is what you say about an outing that was just slightly above OK. Nice is neutral. What does being kind mean? And what, in fact, does it mean to be nice? How to practise kindness over niceness? And, more importantly, is to ask the question, how is the difference between nice and kind make any difference in your personal and professional life?
The truth? "Nice" people are often afraid to be assertive and reluctant to let others know where they stand on an issue. In most or always, nice people will choose to "go along to get along," thus missing others for their honest sincere feedback and input, and themselves the opportunity they deserve, be it a career or a relationship.
Kind people are empathetic and want to help others and they do so with consideration of others' feelings and sensitivity. On many occasions, one needs to be cruel to be kind. This is especially true when being kind to someone you care about involves being honest with them. Your spouse or partner may ask your opinion and they don't like to be told that they don't look good in their outfit or that their tone of voice may be irritating. Being kind means giving the other party the information that can help them be more successful in life.
WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN WHEN YOU ARE TOO NICE?
Nice people might tend to hold back or internalize their negative emotions, which in the long term become the byproduct of depression, anxiety, and addiction. It might affect your self-esteem and lower your self-confidence. And if you are unable to keep that unkind feeling at bay, you are likely to act out by going into an uncontrollable rage at your loved ones or others close to you unconsciously. It could build up a feel of self-criticism and resentment, self-blaming, and feeling greatly unappreciated or misunderstood. The resentment comes, because your niceness comes with expectations; that others will appreciate you and think like you.
Kind people are often nice, but not compulsively, so; they can be direct and honest when the situation calls for it. It is about 'Self-Love' which is also good for mental health and it does a lot of good for self-confidence building.
Self-love, according to Stewart Pearce, voice coach of the late British Royal HRH Princess Diana, in his new book, 'Diana The Voice of Change', is the key to sounding confident. According to Pearce, getting connecting with people in the way you sound through your voices is a way of balancing your private self and pubic persona- there is congruency and alignment. It helps when you have to be on a public stage and say spontaneously whatever you want to say. You feel good about it, feel relaxed, feel confident, feel empowered, and feel harmony.
Are you being too nice? Do you feel you are not getting the respect you deserve? Is your self-esteem affecting your health and life success? And if you feel disconnected or stressed about the state of your relationships in marriage, business, or any area in your life, reach out to Refinement Society to discuss your personal and life goal.
Leave a comment below and share with us your experiences in being nice.
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