How to say "Yes" by saying "No" to achieve happiness.

Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power

-Lao Tzu

Are you involved in work and career that relationships suffer? Or perhaps you trade off too many career ambitions for love and relationships. Yet these two life's essential needs - to succeed and be nurtured - don't have to conflict.

Whenever a woman comes into my office with an opening statement, "I don't know what I really want to do with my life." I shall begin by posing that simple question, "What do you love?" And the silence usually follows. 

We understand everyone has a dream to achieve happiness or success, but may not know how to. Many of us have never given a thought about the passion in our lives, and are puzzled by the question.  One of my clients was making a comfortable salary as an executive secretary at a brokerage firm, but she had no interest in finance as a career, I felt she has the style, intelligence, and education to be better rewarded. 

The question "What do you love?" had stumped her because she was so used to concentrating on others' expectations and who she was working for.  

Remember great things begin by saying "YES" to your happiness!

It can turn first dates into relationships; challenges into job contracts and favours into opportunities. 

In the earlier days of my coaching and mentoring career, I seldom met a woman who wasn't willing to sacrifice at least a little of her career for a relationship.  On the other hand, I have never met a man who thought he had to. And this disparity is what makes for female ambivalence. Ambivalence, the dictionary tells us, is a continual uncertainty as to which approach, attitude, or treatment to follow."  

Now, how does this relate to men and women and to happiness? It is about reclaiming your happiness by saying "No" to saying "Yes" to HAPPINESS!

As well, due to the escalating cost of living, a career is added to women's list of essential priorities, and modern women today are well equipped with shuttle diplomacy between two very different goals: love and work. Most women, though may, view work as an option, the majority consider it as a privilege; as part of their identity, 

Remember you are the master of your own happiness! To be free is not to do what you know: it is to want what you can do."

You want that wonderful, empowering freedom to be able to feel enthusiastic enough about your unique talents to put them to use and filling totally fulfilled. You want to break through your personal ambivalence.

Here are the few essential steps to start building a solid base from within to say "YES" by saying "NO".

1. First step: Knowing you are capable of Change: 

Do one new thing each week for eight weeks- alter a pattern, drop a habit, or add a ritual to your day. "For example, go to a Greek Restaurant for launch instead of your favourite Japanese one." "Don't watch TV before you retire at night; read a book instead. Get up a half-hour earlier in the morning." Shift your usual waiting mode to one of action.

2. Say "My schedule is already very tight." 

Examine what is currently on your plate before saying "YES" to a new commitment. Is a new commitment something you can still accommodate? Is it something you feel you want to do? Otherwise, give it a pass. 

3. Say "That's not what I like." 

Keep in mind it is better to prioritise your personal choice of interests and keep your boundaries and say "NO" to invitations to attend events or activities just to be nice or feel obliged to please others.  

4. Say "what you mean and mean what you say."

Don't feel bad about turning down an offer to hang out even if you wish to spend the whole weekend as your me-time. Be direct, but polite and say "No" nicely instead of saying "I'll think about it" or "Maybe" as it implies you may be interested. Besides, it is good manners to give a firm clear answer and you will gain respect too. In a way, by saying "NO" you are saying "YES" to a better you. You will find that you have a clearer vision of self and are more self-aware of "What you love." You will be able to pay more attention to what you want rather than what you don't want.

'Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power."

-Lao Tzu

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Disclaimer: This blog post contains the idea and opinions of the author. The information provided in this post is written solely to provide motivation and for education purposes to our readers.